Just Breathe

I brought you some something close to me
And left with something new
I can see through your head
You haunt my dreams
But there's nothing to do but believe



I’m used to it by now
Another day
Just believe
Just breathe
Just believe
Just breathe
Lying in my bed
Staring at the ceiling
Just breathe
Another day
Another day
Just believe
Another day
I’ m used to it by now

Breathing gets me through the moments - not only the physicality of inhaling and exhaling but symbolic of retrieving, bringing in, the relinquishing and letting go. Everyday there are those things that we must learn to LEARN and learn to LEAVE where they are.

Familiarity is comforting. It fits. It feels right. But taking the stride to move outside your comfort zone can be daunting.

SO for the days you need the EXTENDED REMIX - have a look here!

Youth is wasted on the Young ~George Bernard Shaw

Youth is fleeting? Really??? Who said THAT?

Why is it then, that sometimes I find, hidden between moments of everyday life, glimpses of my youth. Not fleeting memories of it either, but honest-to-goodness youthfulness.

That feeling of excitement that buzzes through your body when gazes meet.

The soft pink flushed cheek, of a pleasurable embarrassment, against words that make you trimble warmth from the inside out.

Raised goosebumps as your naked knees touch on a bench in the park.

Something about this song makes me want to stand in a field in Montana wearing a white, eyelet sundress wearing boots.

George Bernard Shaw also said "We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing".
He was an Irish playwright who lived to be 94 years old.

I think that he knows what he was talking about.

Throwin' Down My Heart

One thing that amazes me about myself, in a good way, is my continual ability to forgive. I absolutely cannot harbor resentment. I'm just not capable of it. My broken-heartedness may sometimes take time to mend - but it always does. I love that - because I absolutely abhor the way hatred feels inside of me. It doesn't "fit". and I'm glad for that.

Being in the mood to experience some different music this evening I searched my Netflix account and scrolled to "Bela Fleck: Throw Down Your Heart". Being a fan of Bluegrass, I appreciate the Banjo and this documentary is about Bela Fleck's journey into Africa - incorporating his genius banjo playing with the local music in Uganda, Tanzania and other African countries. Driving home the statement "Music is a universal language".

Each and every time Bela Fleck entered a new country, he was welcomed with excitement and acceptance from the natives. He was greeted with smiles, laughs, affection and a shared understanding of the love and appreciation of music. I started thinking about my heart as a musical instrument and the previous ways in which I have handled joy, sadness, disappointment and intimacy in relationships. In regards to moving forward, sharing again, always so guarded. subdued. restrained. reticent. inhibited.Which in a sense, is how I feel my persona becomes.

After carefully giving my love and heart to a man, for whatever reasons, after a time of totally possessing it, he gives it back, a little more used and bruised than before. I've always been so careful with my heart upon those returns. Taking extra care to protect it longer, hold it closer, not allowing the same "opportunities" to enslave my "precious" heart again. But something about the last 8 months has allowed me to become carefree with it. More accepting of the rejection and loss. The rejection doesn't really feel like rejection anymore. It's become more of an affirmation or realization of knowing what I do or don't want. And realizing that everyone's destination in the end is the same. A journey to find that love and acceptance that isn't subdued and restrained and inhibited.

Bela cried upon parting with the locals, having gained an understanding that sometimes communication, as very important as it may be, isn't always necessary to connect, to mesh and to weave bits of your life into anothers'.

So, for the moment, I'm throwin' it down.

My heart.

I'm not just Virtually Insane....

I am a firm believer in being myself. If I got all caught up in trying to be who you or you or you wanted me to be I couldn't be around all three of you at the same time (considering I had to be a different persona to each of you). And not that we don't possess multi layered personalities, with some layers showing more than others at times, we still should always be our true selves. (Remember my #1 Glass Heart Rule?)

Well, there ya go.


Recently, I decided I would try my luck at eHarmony. I mean it matches you on compatibility - how many different levels does the commercial say? Billions and Billions?  I don't actually know if its that many but - just having a basis with someone that is like-minded might be nice for a change - so I entered my 16 digit credit card number, zip code and CVV and off I was into the world of "virtual dating". Sending "ice breakers" and meandering through the uncharted waters of "Guided Communication". "This is way we say hello, say hello, say hello..."

It was kind of exciting - looking at the profiles - imagining me with this guy in his favorite city of Bangladesh or that guy riding along on his plane, both of us giving that radical "thumbs up" pose with our aviator glasses hiding our fear and apprehension, or no, maybe THAT one - fighting the bull......wait a minute.... is that the NYSE Bull? photoshopped into a random street in Pamplona?? Give me a break, isn't there just a regular, run-of-the-mill man who still likes to posses the remote control, fart after a good bowl of chili and not take out the trash the first time you ask him? I mean that is what I'm used to. Maybe I'm the only woman left in the world dating the Neanderthals of the species. And science thinks they're extinct! I mean these men are accomplished men - They ran marathons, climbed the Alps, had a summer home and boat up east, took martial arts, and were VPs of this and CEOs of that. What kind of a woman handles those kind of men? They get pedicures and their teeth whitened, their hair product is more expensive than mine. Remember Glass Heart #5? Hairy Chest - I began doubting ANY of these men would possess that. Surely they waxed.


So after reading a plethora of perfect profiles one stood out among all other men.

His name was Terry. (His name has NOT been changed, because he's NOT innocent, but we'll get to that later). He was passionate about Drag Racing (ok so its a distance cousin to NASCAR and I wasn't SO excited about that), his profile picture was adorable though. He was wearing a jean jacket (number one sign he isn't a CEO to anything)and he was holding a beautiful little girl in his arms and he looked like he was singing some Christmas Carol to her. He wanted Honesty in a relationship. Wow, Maybe this was going to be O.K. after all. But the clencher came when I read his activities.
He listed them as such;
watching movies
napping
hanging out with friends

watching, napping, hanging - they are verbs - all ending in "ing". Those are things I enjoy doing in my everyday life as well. A walk a few times a week is really nice or a bike ride on a Sunday afternoon on the Loveland Bike Trail is doable - even on a trip to Colorado in the winter, I will strap on my skis, but for the every-day-kind-of-Jane that I am, those three activities Terry enjoyed suited me just fine. and if he so happened to have a hairy chest, it was ON! I just needed to figure out how I was going to ask that in a question. SO I sent him an ice breaker. I'm a liberated woman - I am comfortable enough in my own shoes to take on rejection. I mean it's only a "No" and there are lots of fish in the sea. Including me - cause I feel for everything he said "hook. line. and SINKER"

CHROMATICS I WANT YOUR LOVE VIDEO

I love contrast. Contrast of black on white. Contrast of a deep thrashing drum against the quiet reverberation of a harp. Contrast or a strong mans hand on my own soft flesh. And the contrast of these innocent images as the sultry sounds of the Chromatics play on in the background. I don't know that I prefer the music or the imagery over the other, but I like the way they look together.

I know that my own personality is very contrasting - my political views don't match my religious views - which doesn't match my societal morals or mores.

According to dictionary.com, used as a noun, Contrast means "opposition or juxtaposition of different forms, lines, or colors in a work of art to intensify each element's properties and produce a more dynamic expressiveness." And you the know the Oscar Wilde quote "“Life imitates art far more than art imitates life.” I think ones life is a work of art - therefore ones life is subjective. We can't be judgmental of each other in this life. It's not our job - to pass judgment on someone else. The only thing we should be passing over to another person is love. I'm open for that - give me your love.

Let's see what I could do with it.