Natasha Bedingfield - Soulmate (Live from Abbey Road)

Soul Mate

One of my favorite excerpts from the book “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert is when Richard explains what a soul mate is to Liz as she sits crying and sates,“I seriously believed that David was my soul mate”

The reply:

“He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and they smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you and they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this go. It’s over, Groceries. Daivd’s purpose was to shake you awake, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you SO desperate and out of control you HAD to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now its over .”

The first time I read this passage I had to keep going back. And I have gone back to it, probably twenty times since. I read it out loud, the way I thought Richard would have said the shit to me. It was such a raw, brutal truth, and I thank Elizabeth Gilbert for it every time I read it. I had to keep going back because my eyes were filled with tears – I couldn’t see the type on the pages of the book, and my breathing was heavy and laborious because I couldn’t breathe though my nose from he sobbing. I kept losing my place in the passage and had to start again. But that was OKAY. I wanted to get this. I NEEDED to get this. For as much as I thought he was my soul mate,, I needed to understand that he was not.. I, like Elizabeth, believed a soul mate to be something more, something different, the other half of me, the person who completed me. But Richards defining of a soul mate fit the men in my life. They all served a purpose and I hope I served a purpose for them. His definition rang more true than any other explanation of a soul mate I had read.

I haven’t changed as a person or as a woman. It’s just that now I am beginning to understand and love myself. That’s not an easy thing to do, and it sure as hell isn’t an easy thing to admit - that at one time you didn’t love yourself,

and to acknowledge the things you’ve done

and said because of that?

That at one time

I couldn’t have possibly felt complete

without someone else.

I’m not like that any longer.

It doesn’t mean that I want to be alone,

but it means that I don’t feel the need

to have someone beside me –

just to have someone beside me.

I want someone there.

I think someone deserves to have the depth of love

I am able to give.

Do I want a soul mate?

No.

I want love.

I want vulnerability.

I want dialogue

And companionship.

Shared thought

And Quiet reciprocation.

Affinity.

And Passion – intellectual & physical.

No, I don’t want a Soul Mate.

I want

The partner.

The lover.

The Companion

Who’ll continue growing with me.

Someone who recognizes their imperfections

And can forgive mine.

Who isn’t afraid to let me see

and know them completely.

Someone that trusts my love is strong.

Someone that feels how the strength of my love trusts.

I know my layers.

I’ve seen them peeled back and fully exposed

from pain and happiness,

love and sorrow,

loss and gain.

From one continual bad circumstance into another,

My own terrible choices and

a little bit of dumb luck.

I know who and what I am.

Doesn’t mean I am going to stop growing.

I am not perfect.

Hell, I don’t think I would even want to be.

What fun is there in perfection?

I am not looking for perfection.

Thank you to my soul mates, (as in Richard’s definition) –

Thank you for the reflection.

For showing me what held me back.

For bringing me to attention so I could change,

For tearing down my walls

& smacking me awake.

For breaking my heart so new light could enter.

For making me desperate & out of control.

For revealing another layer of myself to me

& then leaving.

You’ve helped build the Goddess I have become.

Thank you.