I cannot hold back

Having this blog
had become my outlet
a place
to freely write about
my experiences
my thoughts
my fears
my feelings....about my experiences

it was very liberating to me
There is something about tapping it out on a keyboard and the musciality of the words that my mind is presenting on the screen, that flows without regard or worry as to what anyone would think of feel about MY thoughts and feelings.

It was enlightening to go back and read how I was feeling at a particular time
about a particular situation and see how my ideas or views had changed because of what I had written when I submerged in the moment I was experiencing those feelings.

then I told people about my blog. i "shared" it on Facebook.

and then my knowledge
that people I knew
were reading my innermost thoughts

made me become apprehensive in my writing


and that is not what I want to happen

I cant be afraid of my thoughts, my ideas
or more importantly my feelings about anything I may write

I cant care to be judged for being who i am and feeling how i feel.

I'm so torn between being honest with myself and writing what I feel
and holding back.

I dont want to hold back.
It's NOT who I am, and WHY am I holding back?

I try to rationalize why I am holding back. Right now I don't know.
Maybe I do but I don't want to share it yet.

Maybe working through some more blogs with progressively "get me there".

I AM feeling Something. I KNOW what it is.

I just cant bring myself to write it
or think it
and it really pisses me off that I am even fighting myself to feel it.

Don't hold back.